As a married man, I know how explosive arguments can be, especially if you have the knack for choosing the wrong words. The words you say can either resolve the conflict or escalate everything. So, when you are in the middle of a heated moment with your other half, keep these 10 words or phrases in mind. You want to avoid them at all costs!
1. “You Always…” or “You Never…”
Using absolutes like “always” or “never” is one of the quickest ways to escalate an argument. These phrases make the other person feel attacked and invalidated because they often aren’t entirely true. Instead of addressing the specific issue, you’re painting their behavior with a broad brush, which can come across as unfair. This approach puts the other person on the defensive and shifts the focus away from the real problem.
2. “Calm Down”
Telling someone to “calm down” during an argument is like throwing gasoline on a fire. While you might think you’re de-escalating the situation, this phrase often feels dismissive and invalidating. It can come across as if you’re minimizing their feelings rather than understanding them. People want to feel heard during disagreements, not silenced.
3. “It’s Not a Big Deal”
Minimizing the issue at hand can make the other person feel disrespected or ignored. What might not seem significant to you could be very important to them. Saying this phrase dismisses their feelings and undermines the seriousness of the discussion. Instead, validate their emotions by saying something like, “I can see this is important to you.”
4. “This Is Why Nobody Likes You”
Bringing up unrelated insults or past grievances is one of the most harmful things you can do in an argument. Personal attacks are not only unhelpful but can also cause emotional wounds that linger long after the fight is over. These statements shift the focus from the problem to the person, creating resentment and shutting down communication. Instead, focus on the behavior or issue at hand without attacking the other person’s character.
5. “You’re Overreacting”
Dismissing someone’s feelings as overreactions invalidates their emotional experience and can escalate tension. Everyone processes emotions differently, and what might seem minor to you could be significant to them. This phrase often makes people feel unheard and misunderstood, which can prolong the conflict. Instead, try saying something like, “I want to understand why this is upsetting you.”
6. “I Don’t Care”
Few things are as hurtful during an argument as outright indifference. Saying “I don’t care” tells the other person that their feelings or concerns don’t matter to you. This can shut down communication entirely and leave them feeling rejected. Even if you don’t agree with their perspective, acknowledging their feelings is crucial to resolving the issue. Try saying, “I care about how you feel, even if I see things differently.”
7. “You’re Just Like [Insert Name Here]”
Comparing someone to another person, especially in a negative context, is a quick way to make them feel attacked. Whether it’s an ex-partner, family member, or coworker, this comparison can feel deeply insulting. It shifts the focus from the current issue to past grudges or stereotypes, which is rarely productive. Instead, stick to the topic at hand and avoid dragging other people into the argument.
8. “If You Really Loved Me, You Would…”
Using love or affection as leverage in an argument is both manipulative and damaging. This phrase creates guilt and undermines the foundation of trust in a relationship. Love should never be conditional or tied to winning an argument. Instead of using emotional blackmail, express your concerns without questioning their feelings for you.
9. “I’m Done”
Shutting down the conversation by saying “I’m done” or walking away without explanation is a form of stonewalling. It leaves the other person feeling unheard and can make the conflict even worse. While taking a break to cool off is sometimes necessary, it’s important to communicate your intentions clearly. Instead of ending the discussion abruptly, say, “I need a moment to process this, but I want to continue this conversation later.”
10. “Whatever”
Saying “whatever” in my home is like setting off a nuclear bomb. While this word might seem harmless to you, it comes off as dismissive and condescending. It signals that you’re not interested in resolving the issue or valuing the other person’s perspective. This phrase can also provoke more frustration and escalate the conflict. Instead, express your thoughts or feelings more constructively, even if you disagree.
Choose Words That Heal, Not Hurt
If you are in the middle of an argument with your spouse, choose your words wisely. You want to make sure what you are saying paves the way for resolution. Avoid using harmful language and focus on communicating better. At the end of the day, you don’t want to win the arguments. You want to show your significant other respect. So, take a deep breath and proceed in a way that is constructive for everyone involved.
Read More
8 Warning Signs He’s Having An Emotional Affair Online
7 Reasons Not To Marry Her Without A Prenup
Drew Blankenship is a former Porsche technician who writes and develops content full-time. He lives in North Carolina, where he enjoys spending time with his wife and two children. While Drew no longer gets his hands dirty modifying Porsches, he still loves motorsport and avidly watches Formula 1.